#television

When I was in elementary school I always made fun of Power Rangers without having actually seen an episode. Now it's on Netflix and my kids are into it and I have to admit it's pretty lame.

NORM ABRAMS ON THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE-OFF: A RECOLLECTION The whole thing started because someone decided it was imperative for the show to have a surprise celebrity judge. But of course we had such a shoestring budget, we couldn't afford an A- or even B-lister. Somehow--I have absolutely zero idea what the process was--the powers-that-be landed on Norm Abrams, from This Old House. Even if the show was American, I don't know how many amateur bakers would have any idea who Norm Abrams is, so you can imagine the situation for a British program. But we had producers just dead set on having the cast flip out when Norm Abrams was revealed. I get that. I mean, personally, I would have made sure every cast member knew who he was, what his name is, what he looks like. So, when he shows up, you know, everyone could be like "Oh my gosh! It's Norm Abrams from This Old House"! But our guys went nuts. They choreographed it beyond belief. They ordered the youngest contestant to faint. They told one guy to just pump his fist in the air, and another one to cover her face with her hands and just sob uncontrollably, and on and on, down to the last detail. They managed to convince the contestants that the success of the show was dependent on it. And of course, the better the show does, the more impressive their affiliation with it, so they put their hearts into it, to say the very least. Now the wildest thing about all this was that we assumed the upshot of having a very marginal celebrity was that we'd be avoiding the sort of prima donna nonsense you'd get from a real star. That expectation... was not met. Fast forward to the day of. The contestants all know Norm's coming. They're in the middle of baking Dampfnudel when this helicopter appears and touches down 50 meters from the set. The blades never stop spinning, but some guy steps out of the door. Now, to those who have any idea who he is, Norm Abrams has these sort of iconic visual elements--glasses, beard, plaid shirt, blue jeans... This guy is clean-shaven, no glasses, slicked-back hair, a loose-fitted hand-knit cowl neck sweater and slacks. He's got one hand on the door of the helicopter, and he's just kind of hanging coolly out. Somehow, I have no idea how, one of the contestants actually managed to recognize him and shrieked "Oh my goodness, it's Norm Abrams!" and I can't give enough credit to the cast, they performed the parts with which they had been tasked with such incredible... aplomb. And these aren't actors, mind you, they're bakers. The one girl silently mouthed "Norm", twitched a smile, then looked like she might burst into tears before she fainted away. One of the older men started jumping up and down, screaming "yes"! A woman shrieked as if she'd just received word she'd lost her son at war, and tearfully embraced another who was giggling fanatically. Eventually, they broke into a chant of "NORM! NORM! NORM!" and mind you, this whole time, Norm Abrams never deigns to leave the helicopter. Eventually he nods his head, steps back into the helicopter and it takes off.

Watching Garfield & Friends

Never saw this episode before.

TV show idea: "Mugging with the Stars" Episode 1: "Me and my boy just took your wallet, your watch, and your keys. But I see you still got your fancy iPhone. Probably thinking you're going to call the cops? I got a better idea. Why don't you say what's up to my friend (removes ski mask)... GEORGE LOPEZ." Episode 2: "Don't you try to be a hero, boy. I know you probably think you vs. me, 1-on-1, it's a fair fight, but why don't you take a look right across the street. You see, I got backup. That's right, that man on the corner, ready to roll up, is... GEORGE LOPEZ." Episode 3: "I know this seems like a bad dream, but you better realize real quick that it is real and serious as a heart attack or you might not get to walk away. Now everybody get down. This is not a drill, this is not a bad dream, and no, it's not a sitcom either, even though you might recognize my boy here (removes rubber Richard Nixon mask) as the eponymous star of ABC's "GEORGE LOPEZ".

The Daniel Tiger episode about ISIL has left me shocked and baffled. Why did they think this was appropriate subject matter for their demographic? How did they get it past the censors? Was this the series finale, or are they going to just have Daniel Tiger inexplicably alive again next week? Why would King Friday "renounce the Savior of my forefathers" when no one even prompted him to? One of the most profoundly haunting things I've ever seen.

I can't believe Don Draper was dreaming the whole thing and then got shot in the face!

The most terrifying TV moment of my generation

In the series finale of Curious George, I see the Man in the Yellow Hat, as always, walking into a room he has left George alone in, and finding total, wanton destruction, and the mock-innocent face of the monkey-devil. The last thread of patience tears within him, and in a slow-motion pan, he sprints across the room, catches George by the tail, and, as we hear Princess Turandot's voice soar to the climax of Diecimila anni al nostro Imperatore, George closes his eyes, holds his arms wide in an unmissable specter of Calvary and surrenders as the man swings him with full force through the air. He takes on a look of perfect, beatific peace as his skull explodes against the edge of a knocked-over bureau.

Averill watches Mighty Machines--a Canadian kids program that shows real footage of big trucks and other equipment while voice over actors pretend to be the machines. They constantly use lame puns, but for all the dump trucks, they have never once said "gotta' take a dump!" It's maddening.