31 days until 5k

Woke up to the 5:30 alarm with something not unlike dread. Setting a goal of daily improvement is terrible because every day is hard and you wake up knowing the coming day will be harder still. And it's embarrassing knowing that most of my friends could probably wake up hungover on three hours of sleep and run a 5k.

Nevertheless I got up, consoling myself that going to the gym and doing worse than the day before is much better than skipping it altogether. On the way out I peeked into Sammy's bedroom and was happy to see his leg peeking from his blanket, dangling over the edge of his bed. Sundays are usually great and awful because I wake and the boys are here, but I know I'll have to drive them back in the evening and drive back alone for another week of work. But I have Sammy through next Sunday so it's the rare wonderful day where I wake and he's here and when I go to sleep he'll be here.

It really was pitiful how much I didn't want to do it standing on the treadmill, dragging out my little stretches. But eventually I started and as always, by 1m30s, I had determined ten minutes was probably out of the question today. Just an endless mental stream of hopelessness, prayer while I listened to Knights of Cydonia.

I was genuinely surprised when I hit a mile, then ten minutes, then each thirty second interval after. It was probably around the thirteen minute mark that I thought I might actually be able to do fifteen, and I did.

Whatever pleasure or satisfaction I felt quickly dissipated against the realization I'd feel like I have to do it again or more tomorrow. And eventually thirty minutes, then faster, then on an incline, then outdoors off a treadmill.

Weighed in at 175lbs, which is more than when I started, but I wasn't surprised since I sort of pigged out with Sammy yesterday, and the losses since I started on Wednesday have all been negligible anyway.

For the second day in a row someone on the street expressed their appreciation for my t-shirt, which says "Jesus Loves You". I need to wash it though as it smells increasingly like old lasagna.